I first saw this book tag through Gwen at Apprentice, Never Master. She says that “The My Future Book Tag was originally created by BookGeekMovieFreak over on YouTube,” and I’m going to trust her on that.
I edited the instructions that Gwen followed a little bit. I wanted to take away the chance for me to, ah, stack the odds in my favor, I suppose. I used the last eight novels that I’d finished reading—with one exception because I’d read two books in the same series). Luckily for me I’ve been rereading a bunch of old favorites anyway, so I’m hoping that my future is bright. I wrote those eight novels on slips of paper and dropped them into a Tupperware dish that could serve as a “hat” to draw from.
Then I started drawing names one at a time and followed the tag’s instructions:
Book 1: The Secret of Platform 13 by Eva Ibbotson
Open your first book to a random page. If the first word on the page is less than five letters, you’re going to college (celebrate!). If the first word is more than five words, you’re not.
Hey! I mean, I’ve already got a B.A. but the first word is four letters (“Odge”), so maybe that means I’ll one day go back to school? I would like one day to go back to school, when it’ll be less of a financial burden.
Open your first book to a random page. The profession of the character whose name you see first will be your profession. (Note: if the character is still in school, you will be a teacher and if that character’s profession is not mentioned in the book, you will be unemployed.)
I’m planning to deviate from these instructions a bit too, again in the interest of leaving more to fate. Not the first name I see, but the first name on the page. I don’t trust my eyes to be objective.
But there’s only one name on this page: Nanny Brown. Well, Nanny Brown used to be a nanny. Now she’s an old, ill woman confined to a hospital bed. …Let’s just stick with “nanny.” Not a profession I particularly want, but it might pay my bills.
Book 2: The Kingkiller Chronicles, Book 2: The Wise Man’s Fear by Patrick Rothfuss
Open your second book to a random page. You’re going to marry the character whose name you see first.
Bast? And I? Anyone know any good binding charms for Fey? I don’t think I trust that husband of mine.
Open your second book to a random page. You’re going to be best friends with the character whose name you see first.
Penthe and I are best friends. All right. A best friend who can kick everybody’s butts never hurts, and she’s a pretty cool gal. And maybe she can ease my mind when it comes to my not so bound husband. After all, men have nothing to do with children. The idea of man-mothers is ridiculous.
Open your third book to a random page. Count the number of letters in the second word on the page, then subtract two, to see how many children you will have.
“Shoulders.” One, two, three… Two less than nine is seven. Seven. That is a lot of kids. Mind, fiction tells me the last one born will be something special. Better watch out for that one. (Ironically, my favorite character from this book series does have seven kids. She’s all right.)
Open your third book to a random page, once for each child that you will have. The first names you see on each page will be your children. (Note: If you are having zero children – or negative children – you should open the book once. The first name you see is a character you are related to, but you get to decide how.)
2) Bagman. We’ll call him Ludo. That’s a little kinder.
3) Wormtail. Again, let’s call him Peter.
4) You-Know-Who. This is going very poorly. We’ll call this one Tom.
5) Winky. …Winky? I must have let our youngest, Tom, name her. I must have promised. Some promises really should be broken.
6) Harry… II. Did I make the same mistake? Did I let Winky choose his name? Maybe we call him Secundus? What does one do when you have two kids with the same name?
7) Mr. Diggory. Amos. We must have finally learned that adults should pick the kids’ names.
So to recap, that’s Harry, Ludo, Peter, Tom, Winky, Harry II, and Amos.
Book 4: The Ascendance Trilogy, Book 3: The Shadow Throne by Jennifer A. Nielsen
Where does your fourth book take place? Because that’s where you’re going to live.
Carthya. I can live with living in Carthya. Though, yes, let’s holiday out-of-country in Avenia at the sea.
Open your fourth book to a random page. Whatever method of transportation the first character you see usually uses is what you’ll be using. (Note: teleportation and other magical devices are allowed. If the character has no means of transportation, you will be using public transportation.)
“With the gentle manners one might expect from a rabid bulldog, Terrowic threw me over his shoulder.” …I think I’m walking most places, though I bet sometimes Terrowic can find a horse to ride. We thankfully don’t spend much time getting to know Terrowic, though we do spend too much time with him.
Book 5: Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 3: The Titan’s Curse by Rick Riordan
Pick your favorite animal that appears in your fifth book to be your pet. If there are no animals in the book, you won’t have a pet.
Haha! I laugh at you from the back of Blackjack, my black pegasus. Eat air!
Open your fifth book to a random page. The first name you see will be your enemy.
…Um… my first random pages use no names. So… try 2! The spirit of Delphi? That… sounds like a problem. The world’s most powerful prophetess is my enemy. Luckily, I don’t think she can influence prophecies. But she’s still not someone I’d want as an enemy, particularly when she’s inhabiting the body of a mummified hippy.
So I go to college then Bast and I marry and live in Carthya but vacation in Avenia with our seven kids: Harry, Ludo, Peter, Tom, Winky, Harry II, and Amos. Amos is probably one to keep an eye on as a seventh child. I become a nanny, putting to financial use the practice my seven have given me. We walk most places, but sometimes we can get a horse, and sometimes I can ride around on the back of my pet pegasus, Blackjack. My best friend Penthe keeps me sane. My worst enemy is the spirit of Delphi.
This has been every bit as ridiculous as M.A.S.H. ever was.